Blaming yourself for past inactions
Have you been in a situation where you’ve blamed yourself for not taking some action in the past? You kick yourself for not doing something— that lack of action causing so much pain in the present moment.
It happens to me quite often. The most recent example: I was just about done with some immigration application paperwork in late 2018. I only had a few hours of work left, but I didn’t do it. Now it’s late 2020, and I still have not done it. I realized in October 2020 that it had been such a long time. If I had applied in late 2018, the process would have been finished by now. And I am kicking myself for it. I am regretting not doing it. The worst part is: I think it was just a few hours of work, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Sound familiar?
A case study in continued inaction
About two months later, I realized that I still hadn’t done that paperwork. When I realized this second layer, it hit me like a lightning bolt.
- I regretted not doing something I think is really simple.
- I still did not do it.
The only conclusion I can infer from this is that the thing I considered straightforward was not that simple after all. My mind is making me think it was simple, so I can blame myself and not look deeper into what is going on, but it probably wasn’t. It might not be simple in terms of the work required. Or it might not be simple in terms of the emotional energy needed. Or it might not be simple in terms of my internal alignment with the action. It’s not clear where my reluctance is stemming from. What is clear is that my whole body-mind-emotions-spirit complex is determining it to be a complicated action.
Perspective: maybe we are misjudging
So, what is the perspective here? When we blame ourselves for not taking action in the past and still not taking action in the present moment, maybe the story is not that simple, to begin with. If you realize it, perhaps you will recognize that blame is not the right motivation tool to help you take action. It might be worth going deeper into whatever it is that is continuing to make the task/action complex or challenging, instead of taking an easy way out by blaming yourself.
Your invitation
Where in your life can this perspective be helpful? Are you regretting something you did not do in the past or blaming yourself for it? Are you still not able to do it right now, in the present moment?
- If so, how are you keeping yourself from looking deeper into the real cause of procrastination and settling with blaming yourself?
- If you look deep, can you find your own nemesis, your own reason to procrastinate in this case?
- It doesn’t have to take long. Spend one minute right now to contemplate what is going on and to look deeper.
- If you find something insightful, let me know. Or, if you’re finding it challenging, I would love to hear from you, too.